I have been writing about this for awhile now...but they always stay as drafts. I went back and forth before even posting this…but then I realized if I cannot share my true feelings on my blog…then why have it? So this won’t be a recipe, or a funny photo from work, or about my Pinterest obsession…it will be about something my husband I have been dealing with and pretty much keeping it to ourselves for a few months now.
I am sick of being sad, angry, frustrated, and confused. I am sick of being jealous of other women’s pregnancies and babies. I am sick of not feeling like I can’t even look at babies when we are at stores or restaurants. I am sick of my daughter pointing out every single baby she sees and telling me how cute they are and not knowing how to tell her it breaks my heart even more when she does it….because she really loves babies and is excited and wants a sibling. I am sick of wanting a baby with every ounce of my being and every single month being sad…so sad…that it is starting to really affect my home life.
So today I figured enough was enough…and I scheduled an appointment with my Obgyn/nurse practitioner who I love and trust and know I can be perfectly 100% open and honest with about how this has been making me feel…which is like total shit.
I ordered two books from Amazon [I wrote this last week and just posted today...but they both arrived today and I cannot wait to read them}–
Infertility Survival Handbook - while I haven't been diagnosed as infertile...and could be jumping the gun... I still felt this would be an informative book to read.
I am going to work on getting healthier…so I am in the best possible condition to bake a baby. I am going to eat better and move more. I am going to get more rest. I am going to work on relaxing and not getting stressed out.
I do realize that I already have more than some who are struggling to have a baby. We do have an eleven and a half year old daughter who we love and are so thankful to have her. However it doesn’t make this hurt any less... I guess I never thought this would ever be an issue...so I never imagined how lonely and isolating this could be.
