4+ Days Without Blogging - Catching Up

I haven't blogged since Saturday...and that was just to show our Christmas cards we didn't choose.  I've upped my hours at work this week and so I have been busy with that...and Madison was home sick today.  She seems to have come down with the runny nose/cold/cough/sort throat that Chris and I both had.  She rested all day...sipped on ginger ale, and took some meds.  I hope she feels better tomorrow.

I am busy making a big 1 pound pan of macaroni and cheese for an order for one of Chris' co-workers.  They are having a work potluck tomorrow and he ordered a pan of my macaroni and cheese... $30... in my pocket tomorrow.  It is super fabulous...and insanely easy to make...and it will be finding its way to our Christmas dinner table.

I worked three night shifts this week so I made three crockpot dinners - a pot roast, chicken and dumplings, and pepperocini beef.  Roasts were BOGO at the grocery store this week so I incorporated them into the meal plan.

The pepperocini beef sandwiches are amazing.  Make it.  So simple, easy, and tasty.

Source: ourbestbites.com via Sarah on Pinterest

It makes a ton which we used for sandwiches, a container which is now in the freezer for a meal next week, and then I used some of the leftovers to make this tasty BBQ Pepper Pizza for dinner tonight.  I used honey bbq sauce as the pizza sauce, some leftover Mexican cheese I had in the fridge, and I heated up the leftover beef and peppers and topped the pizza with it.  Chris was a little skeptical at first when I told him I used bbq sauce on the pizza... but we both agreed it was amazing and wish I had made more (I only did 1/2 of the pizza in this flavor).  We will definitely be making this tasty pizza again.

I combined some deals and placed two separate orders and was able to purchase 6 different sets of address labels and gift labels from Tiny Prints for just $2.  I ordered these to seal the envelopes of our Christmas cards (which I am still waiting for the cards to arrive).

I made another wedding invitation ornament for my friend Amy who got married over the summer.  I must drop it off at the post office tomorrow... as she lives out of state.

Madison and I were at Michaels last weekend when I realized we did not have a 2011 family Christmas ornament.  I picked this one up for $2.50... but it ended up being on sale once I got to the register.  I came home and added our names and the date.  

Here is Madison last weekend.  We were eating homemade brownies and working on crafts at the dining room table.

Every year I buy my wrapping paper at the Dollar Tree.  It is just going to get torn off.  Here are the rolls I picked up this year.  Wednesday morning I wrapped all of the Christmas presents I bought and put them under our tree.

Speaking of crafts... here is my craft bin..and you can catch a glimpse of two projects I am finishing up.

I made this. I painted the canvas red, printed out my vintage subway art Christmas printable and used Mod Podge to adhere it to the canvas.  I love how it turned out.  I plan on making more next year to give out as gifts.

Our Shutterfly Christmas Cards

I decided to stop being such a Scrooge and to send out Christmas cards after all... So this morning we headed to downtown Newport to take some photos of Madison along the water. 

When I came home I made three different cards and then I let my husband choose his favorite (which is the one I just ordered... and I only had to pay $6.41) which is basically tax and shipping thanks to a code I won on a blog for free cards.

Here are the two cards from Shutterfly we didn't go with... I will post the one we chose after they have reached our friends and family.

Wishing You Merry Christmas Card

Find unique and modern Christmas cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Faith And Hope Christmas

Turn family photos into personalized Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

I hope they arrive soon!!

Constant Reminders of What Should've Been...

Yesterday was the first day since November 9th that I haven't cried.  November 9th was supposed to be my first appointment... where I left with all sorts of pregnancy information and a little sonogram picture that I could take home and use to create our Christmas cards.  But that isn't what I left with...

The hits keep coming...

I really wish Baby Center who I have unsubscribed from...and emailed... would stop sending me updates on the baby I am no longer having... because I can guarantee what they think my baby looks like now... is no longer accurate.

And I am kicking myself for signing up for a free subscription soon after I found out I was pregnant to Baby Talk magazine... because that arrived in the mail today-

And I am not sure how I ended up on an email list for a formula company... but those emails could stop coming too...because there are no family beginnings happening in this house...

Then of course this bill comes in the mail today.  We have pretty good health insurance through my husband's employer that we pay A LOT for each week.  When I pay A LOT for our health insurance I don't expect to pay A LOT of additional expenses out of pocket.  I got a bill today for $311.63.  Now I had three different sonograms.... one on the 9th (where I was told my dating was wrong...it was too early...come back in a week), one on the 17th (where I was told nope... we were wrong...there isn't a live baby in there... and there hasn't been for some time), and one on December 2 (yep... all is clear... there are no more baby remnants inside of you?.  I expected to be hit hard out of pocket for the sonograms.  What I am having trouble swallowing... is the $120 fee... knocked down to $80.71 for our appointment with the OBGYN that took place after our second appointment...which went like this -

We waited and waited and waited to see someone.  She came in, sat down, and told us there was no baby.  That it had most likely died around six weeks.  As I sat there sobbing... she never offered me a tissue...instead I wiped my tears on my jacket.  She gave me three prescriptions and offered very little guidance for how to take the Cytotec to get the miscarriage going... didn't give me a sheet of paper with directions, nothing... Most of what she said was a blur... and I ended up Googling at home a week later before I used it to make sure I knew what to expect.   When I asked her what may have caused it... she insisted we come back in for a consultation prior to trying again... even though I had just seen my doctor back home for the same in July.  She made me feel like it was my fault. She offered us no answers, no sympathy, and no hope...and now I owe $80 for that?  It wasn't until out third ultrasound (which we haven't even been billed for) that I was able to meet with a doctor who had some compassion, who listened to my story, who listened to my plan for the future, and who offered me a tissue when I began to cry.   

I want to go a day without constant reminders of what happened... I just want to move on. 

Wednesday Ramblings...

* I have had a horrible head cold/cough since Monday morning + I have worked 7-8 hours every day this week.  I am so glad I am off on Friday.  I am looking forward to resting, possibly a nap, and getting caught up on some crafts (I have many things started... but I need to finish).  Plus I need to finish and order my Christmas cards and finish my Christmas shopping. 

* I made reservations today for our Christmas Eve dinner at PF Changs.  It is one of our favorite restaurants and we haven't been since the spring. Every year since I can remember we always went out for Chinese food.  

* Madison is flying to my parents the day after Christmas for an entire week.  I am slightly nervous about her flying solo... but I always did when I was her age.  She isn't scared... so I am trying not to put my fears off on her.

* I realize my rant the other day may have come off as a little bit nasty.  That wasn't my intent... it comes more from sadness.  I realize that other friends, family members, random Facebook people, and other bloggers are going to keep getting pregnant and having babies. I swear each day I read a post where someone else is due in June... as I should be. 

* I am so sick of the rain.  I just want the sun to shine.

*  I am so glad Teen Mom 2 is back on... it is like a train wreck I cannot stop watching. 

* I am making homemade pizzas again tomorrow night for dinner... it is like the third time in about a week and a half... it's quick, easy, and delicious and way cheaper than ordering pizzas.

Miscellany Monday

1. Birthday Treats - This morning I baked a chocolate fudge chip bundt cake in honor of Andrew. I frosted half in peanut butter chocolate frosting and the other half in a vanilla butter cream with sprinkles. His mom and dad love dessert and they felt like a great way to honor their son on his birthday would be to enjoy desserts.  I "met" Andrew's mom through blogging.  I have never spoken to her other than commenting on each other's blogs and emailing one other about lots of things... but I've still mourned her losses and celebrated her joys with her.  I think about her often... and especially today she is in my thoughts.  I am wishing much happiness in the upcoming months for her.   {The star on the sign Madison made comes from the potato print art we did this past weekend}

2. Successful Party Food -  I woke up yesterday morning expecting there to be leftover food from the UFC event my husband hosted.  Guess what? The guys ate it all.  These party ham sandwiches were fabulous and I hope to have them again soon.  I actually used the 12 pack of the Martin's Potato mini rolls.  Other than that I followed the recipe as is.  I plan on making them again this week, but with turkey so Madison will (hopefully) eat them.  I shared the recipe with my friend Erin yesterday morning and she ended up making them Sunday evening for her family and they loved them too.  You HAVE to make them. 

3. Annoyances - I loved  the blog post I read today which was entirely devoted to morning sickness... Seriously? You basically sneezed and became pregnant and you want to bitch about a little puke? I would feel sick, tired, and puke every.single.day if it meant I was still pregnant.  Then Madison comes home and brings in the mail.. my issue of US WEEKLY has Kourtney Kardashian on the cover and a nice big article about how her and her douchebag husband are having another baby and how it "just happened"... then she goes on to say how happy Khloe is for her... guess what Kourtney K... I am pretty darn sure your sister who has been trying forever for a baby of her own wants to punch you in the face.  Not to mention Kourtney feels "confident" telling the world at 9 weeks... well Kourtney K... I sure hope that doesn't come back to bite you in the ass.

4. I LOVE COUPONS - It probably has been a year since I ordered anything from Tiny Prints.  This morning I had a coupon code for $20 in my email.  I chose 3 sets of labels - two sets of address labels... one for the family and one for Madison (she likes to send handwritten letters to friends) and these cute holiday square labels to use for packaging baked goods for Madison's teachers this year.  I only had to spend $4.55 out of pocket (for shipping and tax)... what a great deal!

5. My Art - My husband hung the sign I painted last night.  I love it.  It looks great hanging in our entry way above our coat closet.

I am linking up for Miscellany Monday over at -

What a GREAT Saturday...

Our Saturday...

Laying in bed talking until 11am on Saturday morning...

Watching recorded episodes of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives...

Which made me get up to make homemade mozzarella sticks like they showed... and they were amazing {recipe to follow}...

Grilling out a quick lunch...

A little HG TV...

Sending Chris out for supplies to make homemade pizza... {again} for dinner and potatoes to make carved potato prints with Madison...

Making BBQ meatballs and party ham sandwiches {recipe to follow} to serve Chris' co-workers who are coming over to watch UFC fight tonight...

Hanging the sign I finished painting on Friday evening... a motto I'm trying to live by...

Good News & Rude News

{I wrote this on Friday afternoon...}

This afternoon was my follow-up sonogram/appointment from the miscarriage.  I made the decision to stop at Target and Panera on the way in to the city.  About ten minutes into my trip someone cut me off... I then proceeded to spend the next ten minutes crying.

After a successful Target trip, I treated myself to a tasty lunch at Panera.  It is one of my favorite places.  Then I headed to the obgyn office.

Where I got to sit down in an office of pregnant women and moms with new babies.  Fun.  This lady and her mother walk in, she checks in, and I hear her ask at the desk if she is here for a check-up or just to talk to the doctor as a follow-up from her surgery.  She then asks about getting a letter about returning to work.  She looks sad and somber and has a seat near me.  A few minutes later a visibly pregnant woman and her husband walk in, go to sit down, and the pregnant woman recognizes this other woman.  She goes over to her, tells her how sorry she is, asks her how she is feeling...and THEN... she tells the woman (who has obviously just suffered a loss) that she is in fact here for her 20 week appointment.  I thought the other woman was going to lose it.  I almost started crying... my heart going out to this woman... who not only had to sit in this office (like me) knowing she wasn't expecting a baby but this "friend" of hers comes in... and then states the obvious.  I muttered "what an idiot" and just sat there...feeling so sad for this other lady...who like me was just waiting to be called back into a room.

This time I was brought back to a different sonogram room... this time the big screen on the wall was not turned on.  Once the sonographer left so I could get dressed, I looked at the printout.  It appeared to me there was no longer a sac... but I am no doctor.  I was sent back out to the waiting room...and within a few minutes I was called back again to meet with the doctor.

My husband and I were not impressed with the doctor we saw on the 17th who told us 100% there was no more baby.  Not so much for the news she shared, but for the way in which it was presented.   She was cold and withdrawn.  She let me sit there sobbing...wiping my tears on my jacket...and she never offered me a tissue.  I went in today knowing I would be seeing someone else, but fully ready to ask for a copy of my records because we would be going elsewhere for a future pregnancy.

Well the doctor I saw today was fabulous.  She listened to me... listened to my experience... offered me a tissue when I cried... and showed me compassion.  That was all I wanted the other week.  A little compassion.  She let me know everything was "cleared" and looked fine.  She asked about our journey to parenthood.  She asked about my birth with Madison.  She listened to me.  She heard me.  She gave me the go ahead to conceive again whenever I felt I was emotionally ready.  She agreed to see me again early on when we conceive again to see how things are going as she said she knew how comforting just knowing things were okay would be for the next time.  She actually is not an OB, so she wouldn't be able to deliver our baby, however when I explained to her our experience with the other doctor, she offered names of other practitioners in the practice she felt I would like.  I left feeling better...feeling hopeful...feeling like I mattered as a person and a patient.  I will be writing and sending her a thank you note.  I appreciate how she made me feel today.

I got in the car to find the song "I'll Be Missing You" on the radio...which was a little weird because it's a pretty old song. I felt good for once... Then i proceeded to cry most of the way home (it is about a 40 minute drive)

I will be okay.  I know we will eventually get the baby we want so desperately.  I am not sure when that will be.  I am not sure when I will feel emotionally ready... sometimes I feel like it will be next week... sometimes I feel like I will never be.  But I know I will.

The Cutest Holiday Ornaments

One of my favorite shopping sites is Joss & Main.  Have you heard of them? They are kind of like Rue La La or Zulily but for home goods.

Today they are featuring Glory Haus handpainted ornaments.  I just placed an order for two of them.  One for our tree...and one to send to my mom for her tree.

How cute are these hand-painted ornaments?  They are just $9.95 each.

Friday Randoms...

1. I mentioned earlier this week that my boss approached me about working more hours in 2012.  Well this afternoon she called me to offer me more hours starting next Monday.  So of course I said yes.  I will be working 28-32 hours a week beginning Monday.  This couldn't have come at a better time.  I really do enjoy my job.

2. Last night I made "homemade" pizza.  I used a technique my blogger friend, Brandy discussed on her blog and the pizza turned out amazing.  I preheated the oven, then I put the pizza stone in until it was hot.  Then I placed my rolled out dough on the hot stone, added sauce, cheese, and toppings, and then baked it for about 16 minutes at 450 degrees.  It was so good.  The bottom was crispy (unlike when I usually make it).  I will be definitely making my pizzas this way from now on.  Thanks Brandy.  Next week I need to try her bbq chicken pizza.

3. I feel better physically.  My energy is back.  Those crazy painful pains have ceased.  I go to the doctor today for a follow-up apppointment.  Since I have to go... I will be taking a trip to Target and treating myself to lunch at Panera beforehand. I did have a little meltdown yesterday... but I think that is to be expected.

4. I am working on a fun hand painted sign.  It will say "Today I Will Choose Joy".  I definitely think it is a good reminder for every day.   I used a technique I pinned on Pinterest to transfer the letters to the painted wood.  Here is a little sneak peak. 

5. I really need to get a move on with my Christmas shopping.  I have purchased 3 items for Madison.  That is it.  I am going to place an Amazon order soon which will knock out most of my list.

6. I downloaded a free app for my phone the other day.  Now I can not only read my blogs in Google Reader from my phone, but I downloaded a Blogger app where I can blog from my phone.  This is what it looks like if you are interested -

Christmas Countdown Printables {Free}

I made this first one a few weeks ago and had it printed at Walgreens for FREE. 

Then I made this one... which I love even more.

Which one do you like best?

They print best as 8x10's.  Go ahead and download one (or both), get it printed, frame it, and use an Expo marker to keep your countdown to Christmas.

Download below for free.

Green Dots or Aqua & Red