Friday, January 27, 2012

Dear______, (Letters I Would Like to Send)

I saw this on a few other blogs and thought it would be fun to do today...  Here are some letters I would like to send...

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Dear Boss,

Thank you so much for scheduling me today with a four hour break in between my shifts. I was able to leave my house during the day.  I went to Panera and TJ Maxx and felt like a normal person again.  It was great.

Sincerely,

Happy Employee

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Dear Old & Crazy Man at Panera,

Thank you for totally cutting me in line.  You must also be blind, because why else wouldn't you have seen me standing there ready to place my order.  It is only because I was so blissfully happy to be out and about in the middle of the day that I chose to ignore it and patiently wait to place my order. 

Sincerely,

Lady You Cut In Line
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Dear Rhode Island DMV,
 
I guess it wasn't enough I had to go to the DMV twice.  Or that you required a ridiculous amount of paperwork.  Or that you charged a fortune... and have yet to even cash my checks.  Or even that you put the wrong last name on our car's registration.  But had I known you print the driver's WEIGHT on the licenses (they do not do that in VIRGINIA) I would have deducted way more weight than I did when I filled out the form.
 
Sincerely,
 
Lady Who Doesn't Want People I Write Checks To Knowing My Weight
 
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Dear Super Sweet Cousin,
 
You are an angel.  You are one of the nicest, sweetest, kindest people I know.  But your baby is due exactly when my baby should be due.  I am still sad, bitter, and angry.  I simply cannot attend your baby shower that I just found out about.  I will however promise to send you a kick ass gift.  I am good at sending great baby gifts... apparently not so good at staying pregnant.
 
Sincerely,
 
Lady Who Refuses To Attend Baby Showers
 
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Dear Uterus and Ovaries,
 
I hate you.   I hate you for not giving me my period this week.  It is not a very nice trick to play on someone who desperately wants to be pregnant again. Or on someone who is tracking like a crazy woman.  Can you just come on time? Or not come at all...let's say for 9+ months?  Why do you screw with me and come late (when I am not pregnant)?
 
Sincerely,
 
Woman Who Wants a Baby

2 comments:

Honey B. said...

I think I get skinnier every year, according to my drivers license. My mom I believe gets skinnier AND taller.

I second the period issue. I have had 28 day cycles for my entire adult life, but I believe I am having my second 30+ day cycle. Cruel!

Laurie of Lulu and Daisy said...

Your letters are all so nice....you know, except your uterus. I pray for a baby to bless you soon!