Saturday, May 7, 2011

My Surrogate Mother Journey

Only a handful of real-life family and friends know I was almost a surrogate mother.  My interest started back in 2008.  I began forming an interest in it and researching what it would entail.

I decided to become a traditional surrogate meaning I would be inseminated with the father's sperm.  This would make me the biological mother.  I wasn't interested in taking the medications associated with gestational surrogacy, so this was the type I chose.  There is also another popular kind of surrogacy called gestational surrogacy...which usually involves a donor egg and the father's sperm or a embryo created by the mother and father is placed in the surrogate mother.

Eventually I posted an ad within an online forum for surrogacy.  I talked to a few couples.  I ended up 'matching' with Michael and Brad, a gay couple from Kentucky interested in having a baby.  We immediately clicked via email, began talking on the telephone, and they eventually visited my town with Brad's mother for a visit.

I never ended up becoming their surrogate. 

Several months ago... I learned Michael and Brad had their baby...a girl named Ashton...with an Indian surrogate.  You can read their story {here}. I was actually shocked when I read the article.  I even contacted Michael about the article and a huge part of it that is completely false. 

Brad and his new baby via Indian surrogacy - Ashton
 You see... I am the Virginia surrogate mentioned in the article.  I never received $20,000 from them.  We parted ways, because yes, as the biological mother of their child, I wanted it written into the contract that if they both were to die in the months following the baby's birth I would regain custody.  From what I understood from all of my research this was a common request granted in surrogacy contracts.  I was helping them to have a baby.  Not Brad's mother...who they wanted the baby to go to if they both died.  The way I looked at it was like this - if driving home from the hospital both of them had died... I wanted the baby back.

Our lawyers couldn't work out an agreement.  We couldn't come to a compromise with this aspect.  There had been a lot of compromise throughout the contract process.  This was one aspect I was not willing to compromise on.  I received an email via their lawyer that our surrogacy relationship had ended.  Michael tried to pay me $10,000 for deciding not to proceed with the agreement.  I did not/would not accept the money from them.

Yes, as a single mother the money was going to be a nice cushion for my bank account and would help me to continue to provide a great life for my daughter.  However, I wasn't in it for the money.  Had I been in it for the money I would have accepted the money from Michael.  I loved being pregnant and I wanted to help this couple I had grown fond of.

To read this false statement in a news article really upset and angered me.  Michael and Brad bought me an ovulation predictor kit and two meals when they came to visit.  That is it.  Other than that they never paid me any money or bought me anything else.

I think back on it now...and think it worked out how it was supposed to.  Very soon after I met my current husband and our relationship blossomed... I am not sure if I would have met him and started dating him had I been pregnant with Michael and Brad's baby.

Apparently Michael and Brad have started their own surrogacy agency called BabiesRIndia to help other couples use Indian surrogates.

Even though my surrogascy journey did not pan out how I originally wanted it to I still think surrogacy is an amazing thing...and I am glad to see it is getting more media coverage and several celebrities have used it recently.


B. Wilson said...

Wow! What a story. I think surrogates are incredible people and I'm sorry there was false information published about you.

Sounds like a reasonable request to me as well. But now your life worked out just as it should have it seems. :)

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