I haven't actually "miscarried" yet. We were given three choices when at the doctor's office last week. We chose one thing (suppositories)... and later through careful consideration between my husband and I chose something else (letting nature take its course). Something that feels right for us. Something that we sought a second opinion on before deciding from a medical professional. How we are handling to have this end... is my decision... that I made as a woman with my husband... that isn't up for discussion or criticism.
I no longer feel pregnant though... my symptoms have disappeared. I have more energy. My carpal tunnel which totally vanished during my pregnancy... was back this morning. The diet cokes I couldn't wait to drink after our baby arrived... somehow don't taste as good now... as I thought they would.
I am learning that some people just don't know what to say. I am learning that just saying "I am sorry" or not saying anything at all... is better that some of the things I have heard such as ...
"Everything happens for a reason" - This doesn't make someone who has suffered a loss feel better. While everything may happen for a reason, it doesn't always provide comfort.
"You didn't really lose a baby because it wasn't formed" - To us it didn't matter... it still hurts.
"It will happen again... do not worry" - Easier said than done.
"I would wait before trying again... if you hurry, you might stress too much about what happened" - See... the person who told me to wait before trying again... they were never asked, they just took it upon themselves to offer up that bit of advice. I never asked anyone (other than my husband) when we should try again.
My husband and I had a great (tear-free) conversation last night about what is happening to us. We discussed as a couple our wishes, our timeline, and our plan for our family. We are still disappointed. We are still sad. I still have cried every day since our appointment last Thursday. But we are also hopeful...and excited...for our future...and nervous...and scared.
5 comments:
praying for you still! keep your head up!
You are a strong woman and a wonderful mom and you deserve to express those feelings of dissapointment and anger. A mom loves her child from the moment she first learned she was pregnant or prayed for a baby, no matter how "formed" others may think that baby was.
Melissa you have been on my heart SO much these past few days! I mourn with you for your loss and wish I could give you a big hug. There is no way around it, this stinks and it is just plain awful! I wished someone would have shared in the reality of our situation when we were going through infertility by just acknowledging that it "stunk". Do you know what I mean? I'm sending you lots of love and prayers. So glad that you have a supportive, loving husband to lean on.
Child loss is very personal. Every single person will experience it differently and handle it differently. Under no circumstance should advice be given unless asked for!
Thinking of you. I know just how very hard this is. Wishing you well now and always.
I'm sorry. I am infertile, and have never carried a baby to term, but we have one daughter who was born, and adopted from, China. While waiting to bring her home, we heard so many hurtful and unwelcome comments.
So sorry...
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