Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I WAS Doing So Well... {and wedding cookie favors}

Yesterday I worked from 9-4.  After our Monday morning meeting my boss kept me on and asked me if I would be interested in more hours in 2012 (like TWELVE more) and of course I said yes.  Then I proceeded to tell her she most likely saved me from being forced by my husband to go back to work full-time. I am really enjoying my job...and even more so because I get to stay home.  I feel so fortunate to have this job.

Around 11 AM I felt like I was on labor while sitting at the kitchen table working.  No lie.  Contraction like pains...and lots of pressure.  It was BAD.  The physical pain of the miscarriage hasn't been that painful since early Friday morning of last week.  I loaded up on some prescription strength Tylenol and finished my work shift.

I worked on a cookie job yesterday as well for my cousin's wedding that is this weekend.  The cookies are going in the out of town guests bags.  I had labels designed from the great Etsy shop, The Preppy Ladybug. I had to run out last night to get bags for the packaging... I had three sizes which I thought would work... one was way too big and the other two were too small.  Luckily I got in and out of the store quickly with the right sized bags.  I loved the way they turned out and I hope the bride and groom enjoy them... I packed some extras for them.  I sent them off overnight from the post office this morning.

Chris, Madison, and I were invited to the wedding but decided not to attend as of yesterday...which I feel TERRIBLE about.  However, I still feel pretty wrecked both emotionally and physically.  This morning when I woke up I was in the kitchen making breakfast  I froze and became hunched over the counter and couldn't move.  The pains from yesterday were back and oh so bad.  After being able to move to a chair, some orange juice, and some more tylenol...they have remained fairly scarce and mild the rest of the day.

Aside from the physical issues... I am trying to be more upbeat, positive, and to get stuff done around our house.  I was having a great day today... I worked from 10-2...then I logged onto Facebook.  I have a cousin... who I love dearly...who is EXACTLY one week ahead of where we should be in our pregnancy.  She is 12 weeks today.  I should be 12 weeks a week from today.  Today she posted her first trimester had ended and she got to here her baby's heartbeat...and well I lost it.  Absolutely lost it. Now I have a headache...feel like crap...and want to get in bed.

I am sort of thankful I don't have to go to this wedding this weekend and see her.  Or hear about her baby to be.  I hid her posts on Facebook took.  I feel like a big bitch.  Oh well.  I know in time it will get easier and I will be able to be happy for other people who have what I should have, but right now, in this very instant I cannot be.

I am going back to the doctor's on Friday for a follow-up.  Sitting in an office with new babies and pregnant women should be a fun way to spend my Friday afternoon.

I WAS doing so well...

1 comment:

B. Wilson said...

I sure hope your doctor has enough sense to bring you back immediately and not make you wait in a room fully of happy, shiny people.

I'm sorry. Physical pain is really awful when sad emotions are also involved. :(

On a happier note, your cookies look incredible! You are quite fancy!!! I hope your Etsy shop is doing well, too. Glad to hear work has picked up and given you something to occupy that time void. I have SO many "friends" and family that had babies literally within days (or on the same day like my cousin!) of when I delivered Andrew stillborn. The pain still resonates and I'm not sure I'll ever recover. It runs deep. Tears are plentiful. :( Thinking of you and hoping the physical pain is swift.